Fear

Around 2 in the morning I had the urge to do a reading for myself.
I have often talked about how I normally feel lost or stuck within my path, I was having that same feeling but this time it was confusion of how I could move forward with my path when these headaches I have had for so many years have put a halt on what I can do.

So with having the feeling of needing to do a reading I thought it would be a good time to see what I should be doing among all of this.
Basically the cards told me I needed to face up to my fears, to learn not to let my fear control me and remember that there are people around me who I can trust and ask for support.
The cards also mentioned my ancestors, that there was something that I hadn't done that was connected to them.
Two of my grandparents died when I was either not born or when I was too little to actually know what was going on.
I was around 8 when my other grandparents died and I understood that I would never see them again (in the physical form) but I am not sure if I actually grieved for them, and I feel that is why I am so upset about not being able to have that connection with spirit lately.

Before the headaches started to happen I remember that I read something about fear in the book The Celtic Shaman, John Matthews he had also added a meditation which helped you to face your fears, after I had read this a couple of times I was pretty sure I knew what I was doing and went in a meditation state to do just that. I remember that I had came out of the meditation pretty quick and thought I had faced some fear. A few days after the headaches started, at first they didn't really bother me but whenever I would start and do some sort of meditation, spirit work or any other practise they would get worse. Appear around the side of my temples and then move to the front of my forehead (or the third eye area), no pain killer, herbal medicine or any type of healing could help them to stop and they could last for days on end.

I was looking back at the notes of that meditation just to see if I could find what may have gone wrong with it, and I remembered that I didn't really protect myself when in the meditation in case anything tried to harm me while in there.
There is a part of me which doesn't want to face my fears, because they are somewhat a comfort to me and I am used to them being there. I am sometimes not good with changes, I often do get panic attacks due to an appointment being changed or if something happens in my daily routine so I wouldn't know how I will be with this change.
But my fears have become my crutches and I need to learn and remember how to walk without them.
I have mentioned before about this headache in the post Spirit Work, I still believe that there may be a spirit who is around me who may be influencing the headaches as well so I still need to work on that as well.

Facing your fears can be a challenge and difficult, it can take time to deal with them, if you feel that you can not deal with them on your own you can always go and talk with someone about them to help you through it.
Fear is a natural and normal feeling we have and it is ok to admit that we do have fears.

Spirit work

I don't remember how or when or what age I started working with spirit, they were just always there while I was growing up..I know it started when I was a young child, I used to see people in the room that no one would talk with or notice. At that age I didn't really question myself about it because I thought it was normal.
When I was in my later teens I started to question what was happening to myself, at one point I did want to be put in a mental home because I didn't believe in myself with what I saw. At this point I couldn't see them anymore, but I could feel them around the room or when they touched me on the shoulder, hair or anywhere like that.
Sometimes I could see them for a brief moment when they were walking around or when I wasn't fully concentrating or when they decided to play a joke on me and walk right up to my face and then show their selves, or when I was about to walk out of a door they would surprise me that way. I couldn't stand when they would do that it would scare the life out of me.
I couldn't hear them speaking to me all of the time but whenever I spoke to them out loud and something happened in the room; such as an object moving or the temperature changing, then I knew that this could be them trying to answer me or trying to speak with me.

About 3 years ago I started to get a headache and the headache would happen when I would be meditating, doing some spell/ritual/healing/spirit work etc, it felt very sharp as if someone had picked up a handful of glass pieces and have just thrown them at my head. This would make me stop with whatever I was doing. The headache felt as if it was getting worse and staying for longer and I had to stop completely as I couldn't handle of the pressure and pain of it.
This meant that my spirit work was put on hold and I felt like I was losing my connection to spirit.

Now 3 years have gone by and the headache feels as if it has died down alot I feel that I can now start to get back with my practices. Doing baby steps, taking it day by day and trying not to push or force myself from doing something until I felt comfortable.
I have missed doing spirit work so much, I felt as if I was missing some part of me, I was feeling somewhat empty without having that connection. I can understand this as it has been a big part of my life for a very long time.

The frustrating part about this is I know what I can do but somehow the door is still needs to be unlocked for me to get back to spirit, I know I can do it, it is just I cant seem to do it at this moment.

A few people suggested that the headache could be because I am not grounded or I have excess energy attached to me, so I tried to get rid of that energy and tried to make sure I grounded myself - but that didn't seem to help, it somehow made the headache worse (when I was trying to figure it out, 2 years ago). Other people suggested that it could be spirit trying to tell me something or a spiritual attack. And then the obvious, need an eye test, stressed etc.
I started to talk about this more with my partner and we did some sort of meditation where he would ask me what I saw, what I felt with what I saw etc. I found that there was this black hole that was basically sucking most of the positive down the hole. When I came out of the meditation we remembered of a spirit that was getting closer to me which wasn't that nice, he had a lot of negative upon himself and we feel that it could be him.
Trying to get close to me but while doing that he is bringing more negative into myself and making me feel low etc.

So our mission now is to try and help this spirit.

Hello there

No, I haven't forgotten about this blog, I have just been very busy dealing with negativity.
It basically started to heat up at the start of this year, but I thought things would calm down for me after the first month or so but it didn't, it just got worse.
So now I am trying to deal with these negative issues and get rid of past event issue energies that have been roaming about me for while. I am basically spring cleaning my body, while it seems like a good idea, it certainly doesn't at the moment, my emotions are all sky high at the moment (doesn't help when mother nature is calling me as well).
This is why I haven't been blogging that much this month, just need time for myself.

Also I haven't really been doing that much in my spiritual craft, I guess I feel that I should get these issues done with before I do any practises and all that.

I did get a vision a few weeks ago, my first vision in fact, it wasn't a nice one though - basically telling me that someone close in our family is gonna be moving on soon. I don't believe it is soon, as in a few weeks/months time, but soon as in later this year/next year. Well that is what I am getting anyways so I hope I am right about that (not about the vision but about the timing).
I don't really know how to deal with it either or how to accept that I got this. But I guess it had to happen to me for a reason.

With my other crafting, that has slowed down as well, I know I am happy and at ease when making things, but they have just not turned out right, so another reason why I have to deal with the issues and actually find my "happy place".

Sometimes I hate it when spirit does these things to me just to tell me to deal with certain things or to do certain things, then I remember that without them I would be the person I am or I would be a very very confused lady right now. (I can imagine them saying "I told you so" to me right now lol).

This and That

Hello!
Feel like I havent been on here in a long time, so I thought to say hello.

I am thinking about making 2 new blog sites, one for my weight blog and the other one for the spirit events. I know I do videos about them on youtube, but I feel like I should have a blog for them, for when I cant get to the computer or for those who cannot understand what the hell I say lol! Plus I wanna share some recipes with people, but I cant seem to make the video - I always get bored by the time windows media maker loads up.
The only problem is trying to figure out a name for them, everything I think of is often taken so it takes me a few days to find a name lol.

I am hoping to make some more videos on youtube soon, just finding the time to do it, also I am hoping to make soap soon - Yay, just need to get some sweet almond oil >.<