Fear

Around 2 in the morning I had the urge to do a reading for myself.
I have often talked about how I normally feel lost or stuck within my path, I was having that same feeling but this time it was confusion of how I could move forward with my path when these headaches I have had for so many years have put a halt on what I can do.

So with having the feeling of needing to do a reading I thought it would be a good time to see what I should be doing among all of this.
Basically the cards told me I needed to face up to my fears, to learn not to let my fear control me and remember that there are people around me who I can trust and ask for support.
The cards also mentioned my ancestors, that there was something that I hadn't done that was connected to them.
Two of my grandparents died when I was either not born or when I was too little to actually know what was going on.
I was around 8 when my other grandparents died and I understood that I would never see them again (in the physical form) but I am not sure if I actually grieved for them, and I feel that is why I am so upset about not being able to have that connection with spirit lately.

Before the headaches started to happen I remember that I read something about fear in the book The Celtic Shaman, John Matthews he had also added a meditation which helped you to face your fears, after I had read this a couple of times I was pretty sure I knew what I was doing and went in a meditation state to do just that. I remember that I had came out of the meditation pretty quick and thought I had faced some fear. A few days after the headaches started, at first they didn't really bother me but whenever I would start and do some sort of meditation, spirit work or any other practise they would get worse. Appear around the side of my temples and then move to the front of my forehead (or the third eye area), no pain killer, herbal medicine or any type of healing could help them to stop and they could last for days on end.

I was looking back at the notes of that meditation just to see if I could find what may have gone wrong with it, and I remembered that I didn't really protect myself when in the meditation in case anything tried to harm me while in there.
There is a part of me which doesn't want to face my fears, because they are somewhat a comfort to me and I am used to them being there. I am sometimes not good with changes, I often do get panic attacks due to an appointment being changed or if something happens in my daily routine so I wouldn't know how I will be with this change.
But my fears have become my crutches and I need to learn and remember how to walk without them.
I have mentioned before about this headache in the post Spirit Work, I still believe that there may be a spirit who is around me who may be influencing the headaches as well so I still need to work on that as well.

Facing your fears can be a challenge and difficult, it can take time to deal with them, if you feel that you can not deal with them on your own you can always go and talk with someone about them to help you through it.
Fear is a natural and normal feeling we have and it is ok to admit that we do have fears.

12 Herbs Project

I have been inspired by a certain person on youtube, Pagyptsian, who has decided to work with 12 Gods and Goddesses, one for each month. This got me in the mood to do something similar but with herbs instead.
So for each month I will be working with one herb through that month, and hopefully I will be able to grow that herb and have a closer connection with it - that's if the herb doesn't die..

I have been trying to figure out which herb I should work with for each month and I don't want to work with a herb that would be difficult to grow in my area. And as I am forgetful at times and stupidly haven't actually noted anything down of what I have learnt about herbs before I think it would be best to go back to the more simple herbs.
To be honest I don't think I have really took the time to look at the simple herbs and see what they are useful for and if there is any other history with them, like basil, I don't know much about it because I see it everywhere and I have thought I knew more about it.

So these are the herbs that I am gonna work on throughout the year -

January - Basil
February - Dill
March - Chives
April - Thyme
May - Parsley
June - Oregano
July - Mint
August - Sage
September - Rosemary
October - Fennel
November - Tarragon
December - Borage

Reflection Summary

Hope you all had a lovely holiday and do have a positive, fulfilled 2012.

When I went into hibernation back in September I didn't really stay down for long, in fact that part of the year I hardly did any reflection due to wanting to make sure the holidays were just right. As me and my partner had moved into our new place, I wanted to make sure nothing was going to go wrong and that everything was going to go smoothly for our first time in the house. And it did.
I just wish I had taken the same amount of time and effort to reflect on myself, there must be a good enough reason coming my way for me to not be as focused on that as I normally am.

As I haven't really got an actual plan on what I should be focusing more on this year I thought I would take the opportunity to try and do a new/old craft each month. I have been itching to do more of my crafts but with the move it made things a little bit challenging, but now we are settled I am hoping to take more time to do some crafting. One of them is to actually make some soap! Each and every time I have tried to make soap it has failed so this time I am hoping to do actually have some success in that area.

I just wonder how long this will last before I get distracted..

New Passion: Peg Loom Weaving

On the 27th August in the town that I live, in the community center was holding a small wool event which I jumped at the chance to go. Even though it was a small event there was a lot going on there, about 4 spinning wheels were going on, felt making, weaving. It was brilliant and I am glad that I did manage to go to it as I have never been to an event like this.

After I watched a woman do a little bit of peg loom weaving I have become really interested in it. It seems very relaxing and different, I wont say easy because I am not certain on how it easy it is going to be. But they did say it was easy for the hands so that is something I am pleased about.
All I need to do now is try and get me a peg loom so I can have a go at it.

Inner Reflection

I have found that whenever I feel like I am beginning to get that disconnected feeling with my spiritual path I want to just hide away from everything. This is probably the main reason why I haven't been posting much.
I am not really sure why I get this feeling, I just feel that there is something I am supposed to be doing/learning but I haven't found what it is but it is staring right in front of me, that is what I don't like the most about feeling that way.
Plus it is starting to come to that time of year. I find that when Autumn and Winter are arriving I start to hibernate with my inner self. I start to look back at the first half of the year and see what I have managed to achieve, what I haven't managed to do and start to take notes from all that and see what I need to do for the next part of the year, until this time again.
I have been doing this only a couple of years but I do feel that it does help me in some way.